


The Secrets Bears Keep

by Jekkah



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-05-11
Updated: 2011-05-11
Packaged: 2017-11-07 05:08:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/427206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jekkah/pseuds/Jekkah
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>JJ shows up at Hotch's one night with a solution to his problems. One shot fluff piece that takes place after 6X20 - "Hanley." Assume spoilers to that point.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Secrets Bears Keep

**Author's Note:**

> Author's Note: Takes place sometime after 6X20 - "Hanley." Assume all spoilers up to that point.
> 
> Disclaimer: While I enjoy watching (thought considerably less this season) and writing them, I own nothing with Criminal Minds except for my dvds. I somehow don't own Wal-mart or the Care Bears either.

JJ was drunk. She knew she was drunk. She wasn't so drunk that she didn't know what she was doing; that would have been easier. No, she was just drunk enough to make it seem like dropping off a "present" to her ex-boss at one o'clock on a Friday night while two of his subordinates sat in a taxi watching her every move was a good idea. She swore she could hear their giggling from the car. JJ cheeks burned with clarity as she saw the absurdity of the situation, but the alcohol hazed her thoughts once again when she glanced at the gift in her hand.

The night had started out innocently enough. Well, innocently in terms of her current predicament. She had invited Garcia and Reid out for a night drinking under the pretense of needing an adult night while Henry spent the weekend with his dad. In actuality, she wanted to check up on how they were dealing with Emily's "death" after learning from Hotch that he had given the team evaluations. JJ wanted to see for herself how her former team was holding up, whether to confirm or absolve her own guilt in the situation, she wasn't sure.

In any case, she dragged her two friends out into the cool April night with promises of buying the first two rounds for their troubles. The night started comfortably enough; JJ drinking a beer, Garcia, a pina colada, and Reid, a scotch. JJ suspected Rossi's influence on that particular choice. They talked easily and laughed about old times. JJ caught them up on Henry's latest accomplishments, the highlight of which involved him learning the entire Alphabet song. About the time they switched to shots of tequila, the conversation grew serious.

"Derek is..." Garcia's voice trailed off as she searched for words.

"He's angry," Reid spoke up. "He's angry at Doyle. He's angry at Hotch. He's angry at Emily."

"He's not angry at Emily," Garcia protested. She looked away when Reid stared at her, unable to deny the truth.

"Mostly, he's angry with himself."

"He thinks that if he had been there faster, if he had been a better friend, then she would still be here with us," Garcia added before downing another shot. "He'll be okay, though, when he has had some time and when he's saved some people."

JJ looked away, guiltily. "And Rossi?"

"Rossi is dealing with it just as he deals with everything."

"Yeah, who really knows what goes on in that perfect haired Italian head of his?" Reid added, causing JJ and Garcia to laugh at his description. It was rare that they got Reid to drink, but it was always fun when they did. It was Rossi that JJ worried about the least out of the whole team. She suspected he just might have his own suspicions on what really happened to Emily.

JJ nervously picked at the label of her beer. She felt heat rise to her cheeks as she asked her next question. She hoped that if the noticed, Reid and Garcia would attribute it to the alcohol. "And Hotch, how is he doing?"

"Hotch is Hotch," Reid stated, his head swaying slightly. "He internalizes everything."

"He's even more Hotch-y, if that's possible. It like he's afraid to say anything to us that isn't case related," Garcia added. She peered closely at JJ. "Don't you know? Haven't you been talking to him?"

"A little bit, not a whole lot since everything happened," JJ admitted.

"But you talk to him every day," Garcia argued, confused. The alcohol in her system was freeing her tongue even more so than normal. "You have since you were stolen from us."

"You talk to Hotch every day?" Reid asked, surprised. His eyes were now half-closed.

"Not every day; just a few times a week," JJ protested, meekly. She felt the blush return to her cheeks. "Look, for over six years, we talked to each other almost every day. It's hard to go from that to nothing so we talk a couple of times a week. I ask about the team and Jack and your latest case. He asks about the new job and Henry and sometimes asked about a contact you all are dealing with on a case."

"He's not the same without you," Garcia pushed. "Outwardly, he seems the same stoic boss-man that he's always been."

"He's quieter. He's more protective of our feelings. He brought on Seaver without hesitation, despite the fact that she's ripe to be a spy for Strauss. He stares at the door to your old office, won't let anyone use it. I even saw him in there one night, just sitting in the middle of the floor, staring off into nothing," Reid's voice trailed off as he noticed both JJ and Garcia gaping at him. "What? I notice things, more than you all give me credit for."

"Such a smart boy." Garcia patted his cheek. She looked at JJ expectantly. "He needs someone to tell his secrets to."

JJ jumped up from her seat suddenly. "I have an idea, but we have to get to Wal-mart."

"Wal-mart? What?"

"Come on!" JJ tossed money down on the table and dragged her two friends out the door by their arms.

And that was how JJ found herself standing outside her former boss' house at one o'clock in the morning, holding a pink stuffed bear in her arms. She glanced back at the taxi. Both Garcia and Reid had their faces pressed up against the glass; Reid's in befuddlement and Garcia's in merriment. JJ took a deep breath and knocked on the door, praying that it wasn't loud enough to wake Jack up.

"JJ?" Hotch asked, peering down at her as he opened the door. "Is everything okay?"

JJ felt her mouth go dry as she stared at his bare feet. "Everything's fine... sort of."

"What does that mean?"

JJ's eyes slowly meandered from Hotch's feet to his gray sweatpants to his navy t-shirt, over to the half-empty glass of scotch in his left hand. Apparently, Reid wasn't the only one being influenced by Rossi. JJ took her time as her eyes wandered over his chest, the muscles of his chest showing through the cotton fabric. She paused briefly at his neck, wondering if she could see the pulse pounding there or if it was the alcohol talking. Seeing his lips made her lick her own and she quickly glanced upward to capture his gaze. JJ looked deep into his chocolate eyes to find worry and concern looking back at her.

"JJ?" Hotch asked again, placing his free hand on her shoulder, startling her out of her thoughts.

JJ slid her eyes back down to Hotch's feet, trying to remember if she had ever seen them. "I dragged Garcia and Reid to the bar. I wanted to see how they were holding up with Emily."

She glanced up and it was his turn to look away. "And?"

"All things considered, I think they're doing okay. They have each other and Morgan and you."

"And you."

JJ smiled faintly. "But who do you have, Hotch?"

It was Hotch's turn to stare at his feet, lost in deep thought. His hand slid from JJ's shoulder, up her neck before settling beneath her ear. He absently played with her gold stud earring.

"Hotch..." JJ began timidly, realizing just how close her former boss was to her, "are you... drunk?"

Hotch looked up at her, a half-smirk tugging at his mouth. "Not drunk enough. I suspect neither of us are. Why did you come here, JJ?"

"I wanted to give you this." JJ held up the pink Care Bear. Amusement shone through Hotch's dark eyes.

"A pink bear?"

"It's Secret Bear. He was always my favorite Care Bear growing up and I thought since you can't tell your thoughts and feelings to anyone, you could tell them to him."

"You think I can't tell people things?" Hotch paused the rubbing of her earring as he waited for her answer.

"I think you won't tell people."

Hotch resumed his play with JJ's earring. "I can't tell anyone about Emily... for her safety."

"I know, but you can tell someone about how you feel about her being gone."

"I feel... like a failure. I couldn't prevent Elle from killing that man. I couldn't stop Jason from running out on all of us. I couldn't protect Haley. They ripped you away from me. Emily is out there all alone with a mad man who wants nothing more than to kill her slowly. I have to be the worst Supervisory Special Agent in the history of the Bureau. I can't help any of you."

"Listen to me. None of those things were your fault. You did everything you could to protect us all; you still do." JJ was trying desperately to slow her breathing. "They ripped you away from me" circled in a continuous loop in her head and it made skin come alive. "You think I don't know that you call my boss every week just to check up on me? That you've kept tabs on Elle since her resignation? That you leave newspaper ads in the places you think Gideon might visit asking him to call home?"

Hotch grinned widely. "You know all that, do you? Have you been keeping tabs on me?"

JJ matched his smirk, a wave of alcohol making her bold and flirtatious. She placed her free hand over his chest, feeling his heart pounding. It made her both excited and grounded and she marveled at the contradiction.

"I've always kept tabs on you, Hotch." JJ bit her bottom lip as she stared deeply into his. "Is that a problem?"

Hotch leaned down so that his lips just touched the top of her ear, causing JJ to quiver. "I like that you keep tabs on me."

"O-oh," JJ sighed. She jumped when Hotch lightly nipped her earlobe. JJ chuckled. "Hotch, how much have you had to drink?"

"Why do you ask?"

"Because you're never this..."

"Open? Flirty? Fun?"

Again, JJ felt her cheeks flush again and wondered idly if it was possible to get burned from blushing. She muttered, "Something like that."

"I'm tired of feeling like a failure." Hotch's eyes grew serious, again. He concentrated on the feel of her earring between his fingers. "I'm tired of keeping everything inside; of being so stoic. I'm tired of keeping this secret."

"You're not keeping it alone. I'm keeping Emily's secret from everyone, too. When it gets to be too much, you can talk to me."

"What if it's not Emily's secret I'm talking about?"

"You can tell me anything, Hotch. I'd like to think we've become pretty good friends lately."

"You've become one of my best friends. Every day that I get to talk to you, my whole world brightens."

JJ looked away, embarrassed. "Hotch..."

Hotch stiffened, pulling away from her, but he was unwilling or unable to release his hold on her earring. "I'm sorry. I've had a bit to drink."

"Don't be sorry," JJ pleaded softly, her eyes finding his once again. "It brightens my whole world, too."

Hotch leaned into JJ languidly, giving her plenty of time to pull away if she wanted. JJ lifted her chin towards him instead. Hotch covered her lips with his own, taking time to savior their shape, their softness. JJ dropped the bear to the ground as her arms came up around Hotch's neck, pulling him closer. She ran her fingers over the hair on the back of his neck.

Hotch brought his arms around JJ's waist, the ice in his glass causing her to gasp in surprise. Hotch took her shock as an opportunity to deepen the kiss. He slid his tongue into her mouth, feeling the sides, running up the top, over her teeth, before sucking on her tongue. JJ groaned from deep in her chest meeting him thrust for thrust.

They both pulled away suddenly after hearing a car drive off. Glancing at the street, JJ rolled her eyes. Garcia waved her hand out the window before the taxi rounded the corner.

JJ looked back at Hotch. "I lost my ride."

"Stay here tonight," Hotch offered, grabbing her wrist. She raised an eyebrow at him. "In the guestroom. The sheets are clean."

"Jack-"

"-is at a sleepover and doesn't have to be picked up until noon, which gives us plenty of time to get you home tomorrow."

"Okay," JJ agreed, allowing Hotch to lead her into the house. He stopped briefly to pick up the bear, grinning amusingly at it.

He was still grinning at the bear as he lay in bed nearly a half hour later. He had sobered up considerably in the last half hour as he cleaned up after his drinking, given JJ one of his shirts to sleep, and gotten ready for bed himself. He had resisted the urge to kiss her a second time as they said good night, but laying here in the dark with the only the bear to keep him company, he was beginning to wish he had at least tried.

Allowing his eyes to drift close, Hotch wondered about his boldness tonight: first with admitting that talking to her was the highlight of his day, then nipping her ear, and finally, kissing her. He knew the scotch he had been drinking played a large role, but it wasn't everything. She had shown up, at his house, in the middle of the night, with a lame reason. It had to mean something. It had to.

They had become close since JJ was stolen away from the BAU, away from him. She was now one of his closest friends. If he was honest with himself, she and Dave were jockeying for the position of his best friend. They had always had a slightly special relationship, built on mutual trust and respect, while JJ was still on the team. It came from many nights of working late together. They knew how to read each others moods better than anyone else, which is why it killed him that JJ hadn't told him of her pregnancy, even has he knew it was her way of trying to protect him.

It was impossible for him not to see how attractive she was, even though the thought of crossing the line while she worked for him never formed in his mind. No, it was only after he stopped seeing her every day that he realized just how attracted to her he had become; how forward he looked to seeing her sparkling blue eyes and bright, wide smile. Hotch choked up the first time she called him just to check in, claiming it was lack of sleep that caused his breath to hitch. He wasn't lying when he said that JJ's phone calls brightened his whole world. Sometimes, they were all that held him together.

The beginning edges of a dream were just starting to take hold of Hotch when he heard the bedroom door open. He watched silently as JJ entered the room, crawled into his bed, and lay facing him.

"JJ?" Hotch whispered when she didn't speak after several minutes.

JJ pursed her lips before saying anything. "I know us. I know that in morning, there's a pretty good chance that we'll talk ourselves out of... going anywhere with this."

Hotch dipped his head slightly in agreement, but kept his eyes on JJ's.

"I just want one night of sleeping next to you, of listening to your breathing, letting your scent envelope me. Corny, I know..."

Hotch cut off any further words by kissing her gently. He pulled her into his arms, tucking her in close. JJ laid her her head over his heart, listening to the steady beat. Hotch drew lazy circles on JJ's back as he breathed in the lavender smell of her shampoo. It wasn't long before they both fell into a deep sleep.

JJ woke late morning much the same way she had fallen asleep. Her head was on Hotch's chest, but her hand was under his shirt, over his heart. Her leg was nestled between Hotch's legs. He was still drawing circles on her back, even as he slept. JJ mulled over the previous night in her head. It wasn't the alcohol alone that caused her to come over. No, her decision was made when she heard from Reid, of all people, that Hotch had appeared at times lost without her.

She missed Hotch more than she cared to admit even now; missed the near hidden smile he always shot her, the late night talks in his office or hers, knowing that he always had her back. Since she left the BAU, her life was a turbulent sea of change: new job, new apartment, new single status. The phone calls between Hotch and herself were one of two anchors that she had left. The other was her Henry and he was the only reason she hadn't quit her new position. Still, those phone calls with Hotch managed to both calm and excite her in ways she hadn't expected and now, she was laying in bed with him. The whole idea caused her to chuckle slightly.

Her chuckling must have woken Hotch as she felt him stir. He shifted closer to her, stilling his hand on her back. Hotch kissed the top of her head before looking down at her with a lop-sided grin.

"Hi," JJ whispered, shyly.

"Good morning." Hotch pulled her in tighter. "How did you sleep?"

"Good. Really good. How about you?"

"Better than I have in a long, long time."

"Any hangover?"

Hotch mentally ran through his body. "Amazingly, no. You?"

"Nope." JJ paused. "This should feel awkward. I mean, we're tangled in bed together, half-naked, after sharing a kiss last night, and -"

"And it just feels right."

"Exactly, like coming-"

"-home."

"Yeah." They were quiet for a few minutes, each lost in their own thoughts.

"JJ."

"Hotch."

They both laughed as they spoke at the same time. Hotch ran his thumb across her cheek. He opened his mouth to say more, but was interrupted by his cell phone ringing. Sighing, he unraveled himself from JJ and answered his phone.

"Hotchner." Hotch's face softened almost immediately. "Oh, hi buddy. You having fun?"

JJ grinned at his tone as she sat up. She head her own phone ringing in the spare room and quickly rushed to it. She met Hotch in the hallway nearly fifteen minutes later, both of them dressed.

"That was Will," JJ said, holding her phone up. "He got called into work and needs me to pick up Henry."

Hotch nodded in understanding. "Jack's ready to come home from his sleepover. Let me drive you to your car."

"It's okay. Garcia is already on her way. You should go get Jack." JJ followed him down the stairs to the front door.

"Are you sure? I really don't mind."

"I know, but she'll be here soon. I've missed five calls from her this morning and she's threatening life and limb if I don't talk to her soon."

"Okay." Hotch shot her half a grin as they stood on his front porch. JJ felt heat rising to her cheeks as she remembered their kiss from last night.

"Thanks for everything, Hotch; giving me a place to stay and something to sleep in."

"Thank you for listening." Hotch took a step towards her.

"Anytime." JJ nervously tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, moving closer to Hotch. "Thanks for confiding in me."

JJ lifted her chin towards him, her lips parting slightly. Her eyes widened as she watched him lick his own lips.

They both jumped when a car horn beeped, announcing Garcia's arrival.

"I'll, uh, talk to you later," JJ said, a slight tinge of regret in her voice. She squeezed his bicep and turned to leave. Hotch grabbed her wrist suddenly and pulled her flush against him. He reached down and kissed her, tenderly and passionately.

Hotch rested her forehead against JJ's when they finally came up for air. "Have dinner with me tomorrow night. Please?"

"Absolutely." JJ gave him one more chaste kiss before walking to the car. Hotch stood on the porch, watching as Garcia's car drove away, thinking that despite everything that happened with Prentiss, he may have just found pure happiness. He re-entered the house in search of the pink bear that JJ had brought over last night. Taking it from his bed where it still lay, he placed it in the middle of the mantel in the living room.

And there it stayed until JJ, Hotch, their boys, and their brand new baby girl moved into a new house several years later, a memento to their new life that started that night.

THE END


End file.
